Reflections from the Yin Yoga Mat

In yin yoga we come intimately close with who we are. We witness our strengths and our limitations, and we come to love all of it.

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Let’s start with the breath. For every inhale you take, become aware. What does the air feel like as it passes through your nose? Where does it land in your body? How soft can you make your belly as you breathe? Close your eyes and listen to your body’s etheric ocean. Notice the pause between breaths. Notice the exhale. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

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Stepping onto the mat in a yin yoga class invites you to discover newness: New space. New mobility. New feelings. New sensations. And at the end of your journey on the mat, you step off a new person.

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It can be hard, choosing a yoga class. Crazy shapes and scary poses. And if you’re not shaped like a dancer, do you belong? But of course you do. Because yoga isn’t about looking beautiful or being flexible. Yoga is about grounding yourself.

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Your posture tells a story about your anatomy. It also tells a story about your surroundings. The fascia that surrounds your entire body reports back to the nervous system, which in turn shapes your entire body. In yin we begin to retrain the fascial system, opening what was closed, unsticking what was locked, moving what was once immobile.

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We choose to hustle. We choose to buzz. We choose to rush, to strain and to struggle. But we can un-choose. The very first choice must be awareness. When we come to the mat in stillness, we become aware of how busy we ourselves have become. This confrontation is startling, but with practice we find ease in selecting the habits that fuel our soul. Choosing peace. Choosing stillness. Fuelling our lives from a place of certainty and discernment. It becomes an effortless choice. This is the yin way. Effortlessness. This is what replenishes us.

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Our lives are busied with a never-ending sequence of doing. We have been taught to fear discomfort, and our solution is to fix, change, move, and do. But in yin yoga we are confronted with the opposite. We are asked to cultivate the blueprint for stillness, sitting with the discomfort that arises while allowing it to nurture us as it passes through. ⠀⠀

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With this new blueprint, we begin to replenish that which we have lost to busy-ness and doing. What remarkable magic we find along the boarders of discomfort.

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Even now after years of the work, I still uncover ways in which I am not accepting myself. But with awareness comes effortless change, because once the mind is aware, it begins to shift for your benefit. This is the beauty of the evolution of survival. ⠀⠀

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Notice where you look for approval. Notice where you ask for permission. Notice where you withhold what you need because you don’t feel you have the right for more. Become aware, without judgement, of all the limitations you take for granted daily. The boundaries placed upon you that you accept as normal. Simply begin to notice.

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The human body evolved to be in a relaxed state. It wasn’t until modern civilization that we began to operate mainly from a state of stress. It is our nature to rest and replenish. From a state of ease, our creativity flows limitless. Yin yoga brings you back to that peace of mind, helping you to switch back into your natural state of ease so that you can live…better.

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You are only free when your mind is free. Not a change in scenery or a new life plan will remove hardships and pain. A new job or partner might provide a temporary distraction, but you are not free until your mind is free. If you are lucky, you begin to notice this as you travel the journey of life. You may even begin to slow down, make different choices. Reluctant to jump into the next project knowing its relief is only temporary, you may begin to turn within and identify what exactly it is that keeps limiting your freedom. Overtime, you begin to discover the wisdom of silencing the mind. And that’s when it starts. That’s when the flowers begin to blossom.

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You don’t need a guru. You are a guru.

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Make time for stillness and sensation. Whether you’re one to dive deep into the ocean of your being or stay shallow and enjoy the bliss, yin yoga invites you to explore your practice on your own terms. ⠀⠀

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You are a vessel of intuition and the waters of your body run deep. Let the rivers flow. Do not restrict them with emotional structure and physical limitations. Melt into yourself and discover all that you contain.

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Stress is the pressure of feelings that cannot leave your body because they are being held in rather than expressed out.

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Movement isn’t always forward. Sometimes we go back before stepping into a place of betterment. And yet each backward step is still a movement forward; There is no negative progress.

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Why do you come to yoga? If it’s in the name of self-betterment, ask yourself this: Am I using the mat as another tool to abuse myself? Many of us in the West are used to the self-abuse that hides itself behind the masks of determination, ambition and self-betterment. See what’s behind the mask. If your practice isn’t nurturing; if it doesn’t balance the hard aspects equally with those that are soft, ask yourself why you are on your mat. Self-betterment is remembering that you are whole. Self-abuse is using wellbeing and self-help to prove to yourself that you are broken. So… Why do you come to yoga?

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Sometimes we think if we start something that we must do it to the fullest and finish it. This isn’t always the case, especially in a yoga class. Contrary to some of the more traditional teachings of yoga, oftentimes the best thing you can do in a yoga class is less. Child’s pose on a bolster is my go-to for emotional processing. The body might not look like it’s performing a ton of action but the mind and heart are synching beyond anything you can imagine. Give yourself permission to explore the world just outside your drive and determination. Show up on your mat and feel into yourself. If you practice strongly often, give yourself permission to sink into gentle softness. Notice what comes up when you pull back.

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There is a line between the desire to release old habits and to use self-help in order to self-abuse. I’m often talking about this because I was an avid fixer in my twenties. I wanted to fix myself and everyone around me. I knew everything about everything and was eager to change the world.

Mid-thirties have taught me the power of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance has shown me more growth than striving and fixing ever has. So many of us are pushing through our resistance to create change. So many of us are digging our fingers into wounds in hopes of healing them.

What I love about yin yoga and fascia release is that the softer you go – the more you hold back from pushing into pain – the calmer your nerves become and the body opens. The same occurs with emotional growth.

You must meet yourself where you are at. You must allow yourself to surrender into change; not meeting it face on with blunt force, but melting into it with observance and acceptance. This is how growth takes place without causing scarring on the way in. In my opinion, we underestimate softness.

I hope you love yourself enough to apply softness to your self-development. I hope you’re strong enough to self-accept.

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You are the path. Your goals are just the things that make life a bit interesting, but don’t forget that you already are your path. Even when you’re procrastinating. Even when you’re facing set backs. Even when you’re in transition or changing your mind. Your life doesn’t begin when you achieve something “relevant.” Your life is you. You have already begun. All you’ve got to do is pause and appreciate yourself when you forget. Do not let the fun things – the outwardly things – pull you so far out from your experience of yourself that you forget to appreciate yourself where you’re at. Whether you’re in pain, in success, in sadness, in fulfilment, pause and appreciate yourself as the path. You are the journey.

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Allow the fantasy of the guru to die. Too much abuse has come forth for us to hold on to the belief that we are in need of a guru. The word itself has become misinterpreted, and while ancient lineages of the past may have helped the growth of many, the dynamics have perpetuated a toxic system of oppression and abuse. This is not meant to be alarmist. This is a sign. The crumbling of the guru fantasy shows that we are coming to a time in yogic history where as a collective we are being asked to draw within and learn to listen to our own inner wisdom. Systems crumble to make way for evolution. Consider the failings of our gurus the sign that the gates to the self are flinging open. We are trading our dependence upon the wisdom of others for the knowledge of self-experience. Do not kneel before a man and worship at his feet. Come to the temple of your heart and bask in the glory that is Divinity within you. Release your attachments to the story of the wise old man and become the channel of truth that is the birthright of every human being.

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I want to say that actually you can run out of sweetness, and it’s okay because you will grow it back. Yoga that is focused on fitness and the body can be another thing in life that burns us out if we are not careful. And yet we can replenish with a softer practice that I dare say can be just as hard. Quieting the need-to-push can be the biggest challenge of all in our society, but sinking into the true voice of our body and her needs is the most liberating thing we can gift ourselves both on and off the mat. This is how we retain – or replenish – that sweetness we were born with. This is how we discover and love ourselves.

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Begin to doubt yourself less. We live in a world that constantly tells us to question our intuition. But maybe our intuition knows something that we can’t quite understand with logic. We must be allowed to make choices – and mistakes. This is how we grow. This is how we learn to trust our inner voice. When we are constantly fighting our intuition to win the approval of others, we drive ourselves slowly mad. We become tired and weary. We shut down the magic that is inherent in our bones and we forget to rely on our innate wisdom, succumbing to the emptiness of modern society. Trust yourself more. Even if your logic can’t justify your choices, trust yourself.

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No matter the trauma held within your body, there is a warm heart in you. No matter the scars that have made parts of you hard, in you somewhere exists softness. Wherever there is rigidity, equally there is openness. It is easy to believe that through life we become contained within the results of our traumas and experiences, and yet the body holds everything – the limitations and the limitlessness. Take a moment to tune into the parts of you that feel closed, and then allow yourself to notice the parts of you that might feel open, even if less so. Notice the parts of your body where you feel your heartbeat, and the parts that might not pulse with circulation. And yet it’s there. Beneath it all, your limitless life-force still exists. Can you trust that no matter what is showing up for you today or in this moment, you are still full of that primal life-force that nurtures you, even if you can’t feel it? And can you for a moment know that you are worthy?

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Stop working on yourself. You might like to take a break from the pushing and the changing. Step back from the self-betterment and simply observe what’s there. Who are you? Can you be all there, even if you’re not perfect? Can you meet yourself where you are at, without negotiating or goal-setting or fixing yourself in this moment? A profound thing happens when we stop adjusting. When we turn to meet what is already here, we heal. Effortlessly, we heal.

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We give our power away. I dare say society takes it. Lost in the sea of shoulds and shouldn’ts, overcome with an upbringing that tells us to look for validation, we find our survival dependent on belonging and approval. And when we begin to heal, when we begin to look within and find the wounds and the places inside ourselves that need nourishment, we seek teachers and healers; Gurus, validators of our being, who tell us how to be and what to do in order to be whole again. From the same mind that has created the problem, we seek a resolution. And so there is now a growing industry for self-help and healing that provides a beautifully large detour around the mark of embodiment, self-empowerment and true healing. Have you been told how to live by a healer, teacher or guru? Have you been told what you must do in order to be more? To be worthy? I have. I’ve been told where to place my body. Whether to keep or leave my partner. What foods to eat and what rituals to adopt to heal parts of myself I’d never even had the opportunity to meet. It wasn’t until a teacher – a true teacher – taught me how to find the answers inside myself, right then and there, and not as an end result if I follow their lead from A – Z first, that I began to embody my wholeness. My magic. We can reclaim our power. It’s not in a supplement or a sequence or a gemstone. We can reclaim what’s been within us all along by meeting ourselves face on. What’s there? There are no answers to be given, no choices to be made before you first meet what’s already there.

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People tend to think those who travel are running from something. I wonder if those who stay home in their routine are hiding from something? Either way, whether you’re running or hiding, your path is valid and your progress will pay off. Life is ultimately about one thing: Getting to know yourself.

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Becoming the witness of our thoughts must be a gentle process. Often we come to a point in our meditation practice where we wish to shun the thoughts or push them from our minds. We hide in meditation, hoping for quiet. But I welcome you to notice your thoughts. Notice them, as they grab for your attention, like a mother who is tending to her children. Some may be in tantrum, others may be in pain. There will be ones that are quiet, others that are well-behaved, and others who cause stress and tension. The loving ones, and the over-achievers will call to us. Some will push our buttons and frustrate us. Others will teach us something revolutionary. We can notice the qualities of our thoughts as if we are their mother: holding space for even the trouble-makers, trusting that our children are not running the show, and yet allowing them to be seen and heard. Welcome your thoughts to the table, and smile internally as you hold space for your children through their ups and downs.

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Slouching: Severe spinal damage at 0 miles per hour. Repeated patterns like computer work and texting change our fascia structure. We can replenish the fascia with intelligent movement. Intelligent movement is slow, focused movement that targets a specific area. It isn’t forced or loaded. It is gentle, though it can feel intense. But the more easeful we enter the pose, the greater response we get from the body. Yin yoga defies the norm. It shows us that by doing less we allow the body to self correct, thereby achieving more. We surrender to healing, instead of barging into it with determination and control.

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What an honour it is

To teach a room full of people

Who are learning

To love themselves

Again

Just like me

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All that is perceived has but one purpose: to be perceived. (Sutra 2.21, further reference 2.18)

The western yoga journey includes seeing the world in a way we may not have witnessed before. We begin to recognize synchronicities and we experience insights we might not have ever had. For example, seeing numbers on the clock, or repeated animal sightings like an owl or a fox. Bumping into people we just thought about, and so on. We start to identify patterns in ourselves and other people. We start to connect the dots. But we also get caught up in what we are perceiving. We create stories and meanings which then become our reality. ‘This person’s toxic.’ ‘That person’s high vibe.’ ‘This sign means this.’ ‘That one means that.’ There is an entire book in the yoga sutras on the phenomena and natural powers that come when you devote yourself to yoga. But the book that follows, if you get that far, talks about how these powers are simply another distraction from truth. We mustn’t get caught up in what we are perceive throughout our awakening. Treat perceptions as thoughts; Don’t shame them or judge them. Instead, keep your mind on the breath and carry on.

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Meditation is like a warm bath for the brain. When we meditate, we train the nervous system to calm down and regenerate. We release the draining emotional energy that becomes stored as we traverse through life. We grant the mind permission to witness itself: Thoughts that no longer serve us become apartment, and without force or much hard work, we neurologically change the way we show up in the world. Meditation is, in my opinion, the key to self care. But it is a phenomenon that can’t truly be explained – it must be experienced and felt.

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I think one of the biggest misconceptions we learn while studying yoga is that we must still the fluctuations of our mind. After a decade of practicing I’ve come to witness how this misconception leads to emotional repression and spiritual bypassing. The mind is much like the ocean. In the ocean, the surface may be anywhere from flat to 200 foot thundering waves, but at its depths there is silence. The surface might seem tumultuous, but the real bulk of the ocean is quiet. The mind is like this. We may be feeling all kinds of emotions; having all kinds of thoughts, but the depth of the mind – our nature – is stillness. Meditation and yoga that teaches us to quiet the surface is misleading and often causes more suffering than peace. The most potent tool we have within us is our natural stillness. The real practice starts when we learn to tune into our depth, accepting the state of the waves, and sinking into our nature. With intention we can begin to move through yoga in a way that allows us to become aware of our own peaceful inner space; the place where our innate stillness resides. With the right techniques in meditation we can begin to UNfocus the mind and find ease in tapping into our god-given stillness. This practice doesn’t take years to achieve. It doesn’t have rules to follow or break. It doesn’t shame our feeling-states or our superficial sensations. It doesn’t require self mastery. It is simple and it is natural and anyone can do it.

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The worst thing you can do in a moment of uncertainty is act. The outside world is a pushy place. It tells us we must do, achieve, create, speak, climb, fix, resolve and produce. We have lost our trust in stillness; In the pause. When you feel uncertain, pause. When you feel uncomfortable, pause. Sharpen your ability to sit with the discomfort of being unsure – of not knowing the answer and so badly wanting to do something about it. Sit with that and simultaneously allow it to pass. When the right choice is ready, you’ll know to take it. Use uncertainty as a way to practice the pause and build in you a deep trust of the seasons of life, which are forever working in your favour.

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Today is a great day to be kind to yourself and someone close to you who may not always get your best side every day. Being kind doesn’t take a whole mental turnover. You can be yourself and own your true feelings and add a bit of kindness too. Sometimes explaining to a loved one that your mood isn’t their fault but you appreciate their understanding is all it takes to be kind to those close to us. And for yourself? Remind yourself that the pressure or anxiety you may be experiencing today isn’t permanent and be patient with yourself while you work through whatever it is that’s coming up.

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Michelle Obama said, “As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.” She was talking about her disdain for the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up.” Because the truth is, there is no “growing up.” We can become adults. We can mature. We can learn to see things differently, advance in our careers, and take up new disciplines. But choices and changes don’t have an end. Every day is a fresh start, but it’s also part of our continuum – the fabric of our making – our evolution as a human being. It ends when we end, and no sooner. The truth of the matter is this: There is no destination. Only the journey. ⠀⠀

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A good song. A little flower sprouting through a city street. The weirdly satisfying scent of your dog’s paws. Make today about the underrated things. The little things. Celebrate all that you notice. ⠀⠀

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“The flow” is always here. It’s not something to be sought after or created. Not crafted or honed or ritualized into existence. We exist, as beings, in a state of flow. Sometimes flow feels forward moving. At other times, it presents as stagnancy. But no matter what you are sensing – movement or stagnation – you are in a state of flow. To sense the freeing version of this state, we must surrender to our present circumstances and the current moment. By surrendering and yielding to what is, we experience freedom and the forward movement of flow.

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Sometimes we seekers find ourselves on a healing journey where we get caught up in the fixing. We become infatuated with healing all of the parts of us we dislike or don’t understand. You might not believe this yet but eventually the healing journey comes to an end when we realize that loving ourselves as is, with all our flaws and misunderstood parts, is what being healed truly means. To take a look at yourself as you are now, with flaws and ugly bits and painful memories, and to choose to stand by you as if you were your own best friend marks the completion of your healing journey. What begins then is a journey of self compassion and joy. This journey spreads all around and throughout you and I dare say this is the only true healing there is. Perfectionism is an act of self harm. Only compassion is an act of healing and wholeness. Notice your mind’s desire to push for perfection while you seek and fix and heal, and ask yourself if it’s possible to move through this journey with a little more self compassion. What would more self compassion look like for you?

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The world is a truly phenomenal place. Just think about it: We exist on a floating rock in an etheric sea of other floating rocks (and gasses) and so far we are the only one experiencing the complexities of organic life. For now anyway. New space and science explorations are suggesting that it’s only a matter of time before we meet our celestial neighbours – which makes life seem that much more phenomenal! A hard day is a hard day, but the beauty of a dark, clear night reveals the billions of worlds around us and the feeling that maybe there’s something more to it all. Science hasn’t carved its meaning into the universe yet so the story of what’s out there and what it’s all for is currently left to our imagination – a rarity in our modern world. Take a look up and enjoy the feeling of the unknown, and perhaps you might dare let it be whatever you wish for a little while.

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Deep in your heart there is a knowing. You might not always hear it, but it’s there. Get quiet. What does it say?

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You belong here. We all do. The earth and all her flowers welcomes each of us with open arms. From her we came and to her back we will go. Whether you stand out loud and proud or feel ashamed by your uniqueness, you’re meant to be here and you were made to be love. Not everyone’s life path looks the same, but everyone has their own lane – dharma – a way to exist in the world that is just for them. No dharma is punishment. In fact, resisting your lane causes unnecessary suffering. So if you feel like you’re driving in the wrong lane, merge. Merge and align with the pace of you so that abundance can manifest in a multitude of ways. When you surrender to your lane, you create effortless change within you and around you.

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Grief happens in waves, stirring up the unsettled parts of ourselves that we were unable to release long ago. Each wave of grief is a new opportunity to heal. When it takes is over it can feel as though the world is ending; as if the body cracks open and everything we’ve contained up until that moment is at risk of spilling out. In grief we may feel as though we lose ourselves, afraid we may never feel the same again. And yet as we face our fear and allow grief to take us over, we replenish what was lost and renew what has been depleted by the body’s grip of holding it all together. Grief is nature’s most healing emotion. It ripples through the body, stirring the energy channels, washing away what is ready to dislodge from our souls and awakening our revival. Grief flushes us out and imbues us with replenishing space and new energy. All we have to do is let it. Allow the waves. Breathe with the grief. Let the breath flow and the body sob. This too shall pass, but first you must let it.

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Surrender and submerge.

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Sometimes the best we can do is nothing. Sometimes the most we’ve got is love for one another. Let this be more often. In a world of ‘doing,’ let ‘loving’ be a more common act. Take a look around and see each individual, dark or light, male, female or non binary, as your brother, sister and sibling. The world has gotten so big, so out of hand, but there are people around you who might remind you that we are one big earth family. Take a breath in and know that we breathe together as one on this planet, especially during times when it doesn’t feel like it. Not a single one of us is alone.

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Self mastery requires us to tune into the heart space. Some people confuse the heart space with definitions of love or an emotion we might conjure up to feel good. But the heart space is the brain of the soul. It may be located in the heart but not necessarily. It may feel good sometimes but it’s most likely neutral. It’s an energy space around and within the body that absorbs what’s going on both inside and outside of us, and it transmits that information back to the soul. The soul responds by sending subtle sensations through the heart space and into the body-mind. This is how animals navigate the wild. It is how humans evolved on this planet. You may call it instinct. We have been led away from our innate instincts and drawn with technology and story-telling (media) into the space of cognition, which can be a dangerous weapon without awareness of, and connection to, the sensations of our heart space. In some cases and with the right guidance, yin yoga, meditation and somatic therapy can help us recognize this space and our connection with it. It is a worthy journey inward and is necessary for anyone who seeks freedom, inner peace, and harmony. True contentment depends on awareness of the heart space.

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Healing happens when we remind each other of our wholeness. The body is the only tool we need to create healing. No guru, crystal, or yoga class can complete us. While we may get reminders and inspiration from these things (and many more), true healing occurs when we are reminded that all we need is within.

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Life doesn’t happen when we make perfect decisions. It unfolds through every mistake; learning from experience over time.

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When you seek, you find. I hope what you’re looking for is yourself.

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When life compresses

When the breath becomes short

When shoulders rise up to ears

And stomachs turn with anticipation and warning

Soften

Let the body melt

Let breath return to the depths of the belly

Let for one moment fears float into the background of the mind

And the heart to become a loud speaker

Thudding reminders

To soften

And become you again

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Persist, because this too shall pass. Behind every emotion, every thought and fear remains the stillness of our inherent wellbeing. We don’t have to feel it to know it is there. But it is. We can rely on that fact. It allows us to get through the hardest of times. One day the clouds part and the sky is blue again.

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Listen to the whispers of your heart.

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It’s okay to rest before you carry on.

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Speak words of kindness to yourself as often as you can. Catch phrases of criticism and silence them lovingly. Speak like your soul is listening.

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I continue to notice this thing in my industry (wellness, I suppose) where people shame the more challenging feelings. I hear the words darkness and shadow thrown around to describe grief and trauma responses. I often wonder if the words are helping or harming. But no matter how we cut it, intellectualizing the emotions will not alleviate them from the body. Whether we choose to see our challenging (‘negative’) emotions as shadow or not, we will miss the potency of their existence if we keep ourselves in our heads with it. Feeling our feelings is something that is no longer innate in Western society. We speak our feelings, communicate them, react to them, share them…. but do we feel them? Do we allow the body to process, digest and expel them? It doesn’t happen in the mind. Only the body can expel our emotional charges from our nerves. Have you explored this? Have you noticed what it feels like to lay still and breathe through a feeling without giving it a story or reason? It’s okay if you haven’t. Just something to ponder.

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Today we can make peace with the fact that we are not perfect and that not everybody is going to love us. We can make peace with this and we can decide to be worthy anyway. Self acceptance is free.

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Each of us has our own battles. Each person her own story. Each human being an experience like no other. Each one brave for embarking on this journey of life. It pays to be kind. It pays to be patient. It pays to be discerning. It pays to be vulnerable. Not everyone will have the ability to honour our vulnerability, but we mustn’t let that stop us from opening and giving it a try.

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Contemplate yourself. Dissect your biases. Question your thoughts. Introspection is the key to great change and empowerment.

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It is a simple truth that when you study the limbs of yoga beyond asana (the poses) you come to intimately know yourself. The more you know yourself, the stronger you become. Your love comes from a place of truth. Your actions arise from authenticity without effort. Connections you made from defence mechanisms dissolve. With ease you return home to yourself.

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Do you know what Tapas is in a yogic context? Tapas is discipline. It is unwavering dedication to something we know is good for us. Taps does not promote exhaustion or burnout. It is not relentless, but is dedicated and wise. It takes into consideration all of the principals of yoga and Ayurveda that sustain the human organism healthfully. And it builds a power like you’ve never seen. You may have experienced the force of tapas if you’ve committed to a positive habit for 21 days. Perhaps you witness its effects when you commit to eating a healthy breakfast at the same time every morning. You may have come to realize that it’s not just about breakfast anymore – that other areas of life seem to improve with the new routine and dedication. This is the ripple effect of tapas. Like waves on a lake its force moves through your life, infusing energy into all it touches. One of the things that impedes tapas is emotion. “I don’t feel like it.” “I’ll do it later.” Don’t be mistaken – it’s important to rest, to listen to the body, to honour cycles. Tapas knows this. It allows for it. But how many of us in our modern lives delay positive results and power because we simply don’t feel like it? Tapas requires us to know the mind, and to be mindful of what isn’t true in order to lead from a place of helpful thinking. May you choose yourself today. May you use Tapas to move yourself forward in ways that create power and capability for you.

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Make peace with your body, as she is right now. Make peace with your body and listen to her. Her wisdom is the ultimate tool for your healing. Go past the walls of your body, don’t linger on the outsides – on the parts you see in the mirror. Enter deep into the wild of your body, below the surface of skin and curve and tone, and let her share your ancestors secrets with you.

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If your self-help discipline doesn’t start with self-acceptance you’re going to suffer. It’s that simple. The road to healing can be ugly. Looking inside of ourselves we may find things we reject or down right despise. But if we can’t make our faults and our flaws okay – if we can’t show ourselves understanding and compassion with the light of our own awareness, then healing will be incomplete. Society has made parts of us evil. It does this to keep things out there streamlined and safe for us all. But self-healing requires us to first accept those parts before we can change them. In order to evolve, we must first accept.

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In Sanskrit, we call the I-maker “Ahaṃkāra.” It is the force within us that makes us separate from each other and the world around us. Sort of like the western “ego.” In Ayurveda, when someone presents with a weakened immune system and a body that struggles to take in nutrients and replenish itself, we say that their Ahaṃkāra isn’t strong enough. The body’s “I-ness” is lacking. We give remedies to strengthen the I-maker. And when a person presents as egomaniacal, identified too strongly with unhelpful perceptions of self, we give practices to bring awareness of ego in order to disidentify with it a bit more; to become more aware of oneness and less I-ness. Who are you? What is your “me-ness”? What isn’t it? In today’s reflection my hope is that you begin to become aware of Ahaṃkāra, not to shame it or make it wrong or right, but to get to know what is you, and what is not you, without judgement. What’s in your “me?”

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I tell my students this when they are struggling to meditate a certain way for a certain period of time at a certain moment each day: Don’t take your practice too seriously. Yes, come to the cushion (or the bed, or the floor, or the chair) and yes, sit when you can, for as long as you can (Five minutes. Twenty. Whatever you can spare). And yes, aim for a daily session. But other than this, let the intentions go. Let the mind rest on the breath or the mantra or the flame (whatever point of focus calls to you). And then let meditation come to you. She is fickle. She will land like a butterfly on your nose the moment you release the desire to be “doing” meditation. You can muscle your way into a daily practice and spend your entire life sitting in lotus at 4am with your bandhas engaged but you will never be in meditation if you cannot release the too-serious grip of the mind. Isn’t that wonderful? Meditation is easy. It’s everything else that presents the challenge.

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Calm breath, calm mind. We in the west love to complicate things. It’s our nature. We hear about a certain diet and we go all in, negating the signals of our body and the wisdom of our ancestors. It’s the same with fitness and even yoga isn’t immune to our addiction of extremes. There are many benefits to a pranayama practice. There are many contraindications too. The only valid way to practice strong breathing techniques is with a trained senior pranayama teacher who knows you well – and even then it can be iffy. How is it possible to absorb the benefits of a breath work practice when so many of us are turning to yoga and so little of the teachers available are properly trained? Come back to simplicity instead. Calm the breath down. Don’t hold it. Don’t hyperventilate. Breathe with ease and breathe naturally. Begin to discover your breath. Where does it start? Your nose? Your mouth? Where do you feel it end? The upper chest? Somewhere lower? Begin to investigate your own breath and body. What remains rigid as you breathe? What can you soften? The lungs sit central in the torso; Your back can move with the breath as well as your chest. Do you feel the breath moving there? Can you soften your shoulder blades as you exhale? How long is the pause before you breathe in again? Don’t force it. We love to force things! Let this habit go. Eventually, with practice, your breath will start to change. Notice the changes. Notice how your breath responds to your different feeling states. To your physical body. How do you breathe when you’re crying? How about when you’re angry? Happy? Menstruating. Sick. Active. Sleepy. Notice and continue to bring consciousness – not force – to the breath. Conscious breathing does not equal forceful breathing. As my teacher Rose Baudin says, you should not attempt to dominate your Prana (breath/life force energy). You must simply bring consciousness to its existence within you and notice what happens. Likewise Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra 2.46 reminds us, “sthira-sukham asanam.” Let ease and steadiness be the foundation of your yoga. These traits – not force and pressure – are the foundations of your practice. Ease – Comfort, and Steadiness.

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It’s ok to be where you’re at

To be nervous

To be awkward

To get it wrong

Or be a little loopy when you do the thing you want to do

It’s okay to dream of perfection

And to show up half way toward what you’d intended

It’s okay to embrace that half way

In fact, I insist that you do

Embrace your natural benchmark

Because while you may dream of breaking through the glass ceiling (and you will!)

It’s important to remember that your current place is worthy too

You are unique

Perhaps a little bit silly

A little anxious (or a lot)

Maybe a touch too serious?

And yet you are more than enough

Exactly as you are right now

That bad class. The boring one. The one you stuttered through the entire time.

You’re still Valuable. Worthy. Lovable. Perfect.

You and all your worries

And your self doubts and questions.

They’re okay. And so are you.

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When the time for sleep is over, we must wake up and face reality. But before jumping out of bed to face the day, we first open our eyes to let the light in. Then we remove the blanket and begin to move our body. We stretch before making our way to the bedroom door.

Think of all of the steps you take between waking up and leaving home in the morning.

The spiritual wake-up does not require the swift ripping off of the proverbial bandaid.

We arise gently.

Notice each step you take and have taken. Begin to see your journey as a series of actions that lead you to the supreme reality of your existence.

Perhaps you’ve just opened your eyes. Perhaps you’ve begun to stretch. Perhaps you’re at the front door, or already in the car and on the road.

Wherever you may be, treat yourself as you are; A sacred, living being who is traversing the long and wild journey of survival, healing, awakening, and life before finding your way to the Great Ocean that is home.

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Even on your dark days there are parts of you that are radiant. So what are those parts?

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Our bodies are the vessels. Our minds, the sails that catch moving wind. Our hearts are the maps toward abundant freedom and openness. Are we sailing, or are we stuck? There’s no shame in the latter. Being stuck teaches us that our internal transportation is off. All we need to bring it back online is awareness, down-regulation (relaxing), and intention. These are the threads that mend our sails and propel us forward again.

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Meditation is about polishing the mind; It isn’t about the experiences that arise during our practice. How often have you been captivated by visions or psychic activity during your silent sitting? How often have you been gripped by the hands of emotion? It’s not wrong. These things come up when we get quiet. But they are clouds, and we are trying to notice the sky, not the clouds. My teacher recently said, “Try not to even think or talk about the experiences that arise in meditation, otherwise we get attached to them and miss the point.” How does that sit for you? Not everyone will agree, and that is okay.

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So much “stuff” is pumped into our brains and bodies through dramatic tv shows that the media portrays, news feeds full of expectations and opinions; things like general society telling us how to be to fit in, and family origins that make or break us. We need these things, but they shape us without our consent. Traumas, anxieties, self doubts and all the extra stuff that comes along with being human can get in the way of our light. Our true selves become masked with defence mechanisms and false personalities. When I studied anthropology I was shocked to learn that that which we unconsciously take in shapes us for worse.

We can’t shut off what the world is pumping at us. (Think marketing ads on billboards and now in your newsfeed. Comments by celebs. Headlines and so many other sources of non-consensual information). But by consciously working on returning home to ourselves through things like mindfulness and embodied movement, we delete the cache in our head and create space for ourselves in there.

Who are you under all that bullshit?

Who is really in there?

That discovery, let me tell you, it isn’t always easy. Sometimes we are taught to hate ourselves and so we mask ourselves away and project versions of ourselves to belong. We won’t all of the sudden love what we see when we become conscious of what’s under there. So I want you to know that eventually and in your own time, when it is safe to take the masks off, it’s okay to love yourself.

Even the parts of you that you currently hate. You can begin to love yourself eventually. You don’t have to change a thing about you. Just become you. Replenish YOU. Surrender to what’s there. What isn’t pleasant will either become pleasant to you with time or it will transform under the light of your conscious awareness into what it’s meant to be. Give yourself faith and time and trust. You honestly deserve this.

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Everything in moderation. Including yoga. I used to take my studies so very seriously. I considered myself a devout yogi and really believed I was on a better path than the one most others follow. Thank goodness I woke up from that ego trap, eventually learning to tuck my spirituality back into my heart where it belongs. I no longer wear yoga on my sleeve or prance around pretending that my way is the spiritually superior way. And now when I’m in a room full of the type of spiritual people who believe what I used to believe, I find the conversation boring.

It’s okay not to wear your spirituality on your sleeve. You’re still valid. It’s still special.

I continue to believe that yoga is potent and powerful. I continue to practice in my own way every day, but I no longer believe it’s the only way to a great life. In fact, letting go of my attachment to the superiority of my lifestyle has given me a better life than a yoga practice ever could. Drink the coffee. Laugh a lot. Let a little more go.

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